8 Ways To Eliminate The Green Eyed Monster (Jealousy Is Not Cool)

 

Image credit: via guycounseling.com

 

The pressure to compete is immense. We are constantly bombarded with messages that tell us we are broken, incomplete, and inadequate. This is done to entice us to obtain more material possessions and greater personal attributes so that we can reach some unattainable destination. For the most part, this coercion is aimed at making someone wealthy and getting what we supposedly lack or desperately need. The end result is that we can become riddled with jealousy.

Jealousy is a natural human emotion. We all feel its pangs at one time or another (mainly as children), with the hope that we will outgrow such immaturity or at least learn to recognize it and move past it.

Here are 8 ways to consciously address feelings of jealousy.

1. Focus on yourself

Jealousy emerges directly from the act of comparison. This dangerous emotion arises when you feel that compared to someone else, you are lacking in some way, and as a result, have lost the respect or affection of a third party. Often jealousy and envy are confused. Clinical psychologist Dr Mary Lamia says that envy is more about desiring the qualities, attributes, and possessions of someone else. Both promote feelings of shame. In an article in Psychology Today she says:

"The emotion of envy is often confused with jealousy. Envy is directed at another or others, wanting their qualities, success, or possession. Jealousy involves thinking you will lose, or have lost, some affection or security from another person because of someone or something else—including their interest in an activity that takes time away from you. Both jealousy and envy involve comparisons and contrasts."

Instead of measuring ourselves to standards set by others, the best way to deal with feelings of inadequacy is to only ever compete with ourselves.

2. Be less competitive

Competition isn't all bad. It's good to have goals and aspirations, even if you obtain them from the achievements and ideals that you see in others. However, your measure of success should only stem from your own activities. Compete with yourself. Push your own boundaries and use your previous accomplishments as a yard stick for determining your potential to excel. Aim for one step higher than your last, not someone else's.

3. Celebrate your wins gracefully

Nobody likes a bragger and a bad winner. It's perfectly acceptable to revel in your success. You are entitled to share your triumphs with others; however, if your intention is to provoke jealousy in others, you are going about it the wrong way. Sensitivity and humility is underrated. While the feelings and interpretations of others are not your responsibility, deliberately setting out to humiliate someone by flaunting your success will eventually backfire. You can't please everyone. We all find ourselves in difficult situations sometimes and you get what you give. The bigger you brag, the harder you'll fall when the tables turn.

4. Share your defeat

You don't have to be self-depreciating to be open about the things that don't work out in your life. When you find yourself in a situation that disheartens you, talk about it. Demonstrate to others that you can rise above challenges and face your emotions without letting shame or the desire to compete defeat you. Yes, some people might seem pleased that you are failing, but that says more about them than it does about you. What others think of you, especially at your most exposed, is none of your business. Don't waste an opportunity to explore your vulnerability. That is when some of the best life lessons are waiting there for you.

5. Empathize with others

Similarly, when others are at their most vulnerable and are experiencing a loss, don't gloat; empathize. Someone else's failure doesn't mean you are more successful or better. It has nothing to do with you. It is their own personal experience and one completely removed from your own ambition. The best thing to do in order to prevent a relationship riddled with jealousy is to show a little kindness. Find commonalities. Remember a time when you went through a similar failure and think about what it was you needed to help you get through it. Try giving that kind of assistance to someone else.

6. Celebrate their achievements

This is especially important when the other person is a nemesis or competitor, which sometimes is disguised as your best friend or closest sibling. Jealousy will creep in when you diminish the achievement of others. When in your own mind you minimize their success and find flaws instead, you are acting out of jealousy. Fight the urge to criticize. Even if you can see the cracks, don't point them out. Be constructive and supportive. If you aren't capable, try and stay silent.

7. Be discreet

The best way to avoid people knowing too much about what is happening in your life (whether it's your wealth, your choices, your goals, and desires), is to keep some things to yourself. It's not about closing yourself off from others and becoming a recluse, it's about holding your cards close to your heart and sharing with discretion. The closer you are to a person, the deeper you can share, and the more honestly you can speak. That said, those people are hard to find and relationships like that take years of trust and affection to establish. They are harder to master, but are the ones that are the most worthwhile. Jealousy won't survive a day in an atmosphere like this.

8. Learn from failure with optimism

One of the most important ways to combat jealousy is to have a positive attitude even when you are at your lowest and think everyone you know is happy about it. Keep your chin up and find the silver lining. Remember, your biggest competitor should always be yourself. If you can laugh about your own pitfalls, within your own mind, you will conjure up the strength and courage to face anything. It will give you a fearlessness to face any challenge with optimism and creativity.